I was listening to Dr Wayne Dyer speak about duality, about how life is like a series of valleys and mountain tops and I was amazed at how it resonated within me.
If you are at the very bottom of the valley, the only way is to go up. What’s harder to fathom is probably the opposite, if ur at the top then the only way is down. But I guess that is true.
In every celebration is a misfortune hidden and in every sadness lies great happiness. I sat down and wrote whatever I remember of my life, the ‘good’ bits and the ‘bad’ bits, I could see that in every so called bad event, there was some form of good hidden, I only had to change the way I looked at it. A profound thought struck me, I wouldn’t be who I am today had it not been for ALL the parts of my life, if one tiny thing had been changed, I most probably wouldn’t be here typing this right now.
The last thought pushes me to think of synchronisty and the chain of events. It literally baffles me to creep back along the chain of how certain things happened in my life. For example, I was trying to think of how I had come across a person who later on became a very good friend, it was mind boggling to think of exactly how, when and why we had been where we had been at that precise moment. What would have happened had we not decided to be there or changed plans?
Turning back to duality, since I heard about the alleged ‘break of personality’ I started researching it and come to the conclusion that we are everything. We are the good, the bad and the awesome. If we perceive ourselves as good then the bad must exist within us as well. The same goes for any bad aspect of ourselves. To believe that we can be entirely good OR entirely bad is a lie. I have realized that I spent a great deal of my life trying to be only half of all that I am, while denying and suppressing what I was told is ‘bad’. And then get surprised by what I had been to trying to suppress appear repeatedly in my life! Apparently, what I resist does persist.
Recently, through what I would have earlier imagined to be a horrible experience, I felt a profound sense of peace, almost to the extent of non attachment to my self and my story. It was an experience that would have driven me to tears earlier but which now didn’t raise that much of a reaction. What I felt instead was immense love and forgiveness towards myself, a thought struck me then, I tried to remind myself of every single horrible, blood curdling thing I had ever done but somehow all I felt was love and forgiveness. It was like rewinding the tape of my life and flooding it with so much love that it was beyond recognition.
And somehow, this feeling has stuck with me, this feeling of ‘its ok, you are deeply loved no matter what you do or do not do’. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have the odd moment of self criticism or I do not demean myself, it’s too engrained a habit to disappear overnight but it does not affect me as it used to, the experience now is more like a wisp of smoke, disappearing before it can be realized.
Maybe this is love or my imagination but it is beautiful to be at peace with yourself because of embracing each and every bit if you and feeling that all is well. And it is so.